Ever since I was in my 30's I've had disturbed sleep. Prior to that I slept deeply and without disturbance. Occasionally I would have those times when I just could not sleep because I was so excited about something and just had to tend to it. That happened even when I was an adolescent. The pattern I suffer with now is different.
My normal routine is to watch TV or surf the internet in the evenings till I get sleepy, generally between 11 PM and midnight. I fall asleep and wake around 6:30 or 7 AM. But when I have stuff cluttering up my brain I can't fall asleep or I wake up at odd hours and can't fall back to sleep. What stuff, you might ask? Work related drama, home renovation issues, my PhD work and the rise and fall of my sadness and loneliness at the loss of my wife of 29 years in late 2007 to breast cancer.
Tonite is a perfect example. Had trouble falling asleep and here it is 4:15 and I've been awake almost an hour. Not sleepy in the least. Had trouble sleeping last night. At 55 I can't go without sleep like I once did. Oh, a single bad night isn't impossible to compensate for. But string a few of these spotty sleep pattern nights and I'm close to worthless.
My weight does not help. I'm close to 300 lbs and I'm only 5' 11". My grief accounts for close to 1/3 of that and I hope and pray I'll get back to my "normal" weight one day. But I have sleep apnea and weight exacerbates that.
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